Pain in all the wrong places

A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."

She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes.

The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"
She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."
"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."

Smartphone Models

Blonde Password

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy"

When asked why she'd chosen such a long password, she said she understood that it had to contain at least eight characters.

Blonde Girlfriend

Blonde Tattoo

A blonde is showing off her new tattoo of a giant seashell on her inner thigh. Her friends ask her why she would get such a tattoo and in that location.

She responds "It's really cool. If you put your left ear up against it, you can smell the ocean."

Betting on Blonde

Bob walked into a bar, sat down next to an attractive blonde and stared up at the TV. The 10pm news was airing the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and asked "Do you think he'll jump?"

Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump."

The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."

Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."

Bob replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 6pm bulletin, so I knew he would jump."

The blonde replied, "I did too, but didn't think he'd do it again."

Bob took the money...

Tunnel Slapper

Sitting together on a train travelling through the Swiss Alps, were a Kiwi guy, an Australian bloke, a little old Greek lady, and a young blonde Swiss girl with large breasts.

The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap.

When the train emerges from the tunnel, the Kiwi has a bright red hand-print on his cheek.

No one speaks.

The old lady thinks:
The Kiwi guy must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she slapped his cheek.

The blonde Swiss girl thinks:
That Kiwi guy must have tried to grope me in the dark but missed, fondled the old lady and she slapped his cheek.

The Kiwi thinks:
The Australian bloke must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.

The Australian thinks:
I can't wait for another tunnel, just so I can smack the Kiwi again.

Glazed and Confused

Blonde Renovator: Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with the expensive double-glazed energy-efficient kind, and today, I had a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

Well, just because I'm a woman doesn't mean that I'm automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast-talking salesman had told me last year: that in one year these windows would pay for themselves! Hellooo?! "It's been a year!", I told him.

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung-up. He never called back. Guess I won that stupid argument. I bet he felt like an idiot.

Naked Irish Blonde Crap

A voluptuous blonde from Dublin enters a casino and proceeds to a craps table manned by a pair of male croupiers.

She bets $20,000 on a single roll of the dice.

She says to the croupiers , "I hope you don't mind but I feel much luckier when I'm completely naked".

Without waiting for an answer she strips off her clothing, takes the dice, throws them down the table and yells, "Come on, baby, Mamma needs new clothes!"

As the dice roll to a stop, she leaps up and down, squealing "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!"

She hugs each croupier, picks up her winnings and clothes, and quickly departs.

The croupiers stare at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asks, "What did she roll?"

The other answers, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

MORAL OF THE STORY

Not all Irish are stupid and not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.

Miss Teeny Brain USA

Upton was asked: "Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can't locate the US on a world map. Why do you think this is?"

Upton replied: "I personally believe that Americans are unable to do so because, uhmmm, some people out there in our nation don't have maps and uh, I believe that our, I, education like such as uh, South Africa, and uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should, uhhh, our education over here in the US should help the US, uh, should help South Africa, it should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future, for us."

Blonde Joke

Q: A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in year 9. Who has the biggest breasts?
A: The blonde, because she's 18.

How Blonde Jokes Started

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