I visited my doctor's office the other day only to find that my new doctor is a young female and drop-dead gorgeous!
I was embarrassed but she said, "Don't worry, I'm a professional - I've seen it all before. Just tell me what's wrong and I'll check it out."
I said, "My wife thinks my dick tastes funny."
Showing posts with label doctors. Show all posts
Showing posts with label doctors. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 07, 2011
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Pain in all the wrong places
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"
She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."
"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"
She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."
"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."
Friday, September 24, 2010
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Gynaecological Exam
A beautiful woman visited a gynaecologist. The doctor took one look at the gorgeous woman and his professionalism flew out the window. He immediately asked her to undress.
After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. While doing so he asked her, "Do you know what I am doing?"
"Yes," she replied, "You are checking for abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."
"That's right," said the doctor.
He then began to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I am doing now?" he asked.
"Yes," she said, "You are checking for lumps that might indicate breast cancer."
"Correct," replied the shady doctor.
Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked, "Do you know what I am doing now?"
"Yes," she said, "You're catching herpes, which is why I came here In the first place."
After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. While doing so he asked her, "Do you know what I am doing?"
"Yes," she replied, "You are checking for abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."
"That's right," said the doctor.
He then began to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I am doing now?" he asked.
"Yes," she said, "You are checking for lumps that might indicate breast cancer."
"Correct," replied the shady doctor.
Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked, "Do you know what I am doing now?"
"Yes," she said, "You're catching herpes, which is why I came here In the first place."
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Shiny Gynie
I was due for an appointment with my gynaecologist late in the week.
Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45am.
The trip to her office took about thirty five minutes, so I didn't have much time to spare. As most women do, I like to make a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pyjamas, wet the wash-cloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable.
I threw the wash-cloth in the clothes basket, grabbed some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.
I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away.
I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?" I didn't respond.
After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home.
The rest of the day was normal: some shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc. After school when my six year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, "Mum, where's my wash-cloth?" I told her to get another one from the cupboard.
She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it."
Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45am.
The trip to her office took about thirty five minutes, so I didn't have much time to spare. As most women do, I like to make a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pyjamas, wet the wash-cloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable.
I threw the wash-cloth in the clothes basket, grabbed some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.
I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away.
I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?" I didn't respond.
After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home.
The rest of the day was normal: some shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc. After school when my six year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, "Mum, where's my wash-cloth?" I told her to get another one from the cupboard.
She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it."
Sunday, May 30, 2010
AMA Responds to Rudd's Health Plan
The Australian Medical Association has weighed in on the new Rudd health care proposals:
The Allergists voted to scratch it but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
The Obstetricians felt they were all labouring under a misconception.
Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.
Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Paediatricians said, "Oh, Grow up!"
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
The Anaesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the arseholes in Canberra.
The Allergists voted to scratch it but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
The Obstetricians felt they were all labouring under a misconception.
Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.
Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Paediatricians said, "Oh, Grow up!"
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
The Anaesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the arseholes in Canberra.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Mongolian Herpes
While visiting China, a businessman is sexually promiscuous and doesn't use a condom during his escapades.
A week after arriving back home in Sydney, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.
The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.
The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, "I've got bad news for you, you've contracted Mongolian Herpes. It's very rare and almost unheard of here, we know very little about it."
The man looks a little perplexed and says, "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc."
The doctor answers, "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis."
The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion."
The doctor replies, "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead, if you want but surgery is your only choice."
The next day, the man seeks out a traditional Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Very rare disease."
The guy says to the doctor, "Yeah, yeah, I already know that but what can we do? My GP wants to operate and amputate my penis!"
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. "Stupid western physicians, always want to operate - make more money that way. There's no need to amputate."
"Oh, thank God!" the man replies.
"Yes," says the Chinese doctor, "wait two weeks. It'll fall off by itself."
A week after arriving back home in Sydney, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.
The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.
The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, "I've got bad news for you, you've contracted Mongolian Herpes. It's very rare and almost unheard of here, we know very little about it."
The man looks a little perplexed and says, "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc."
The doctor answers, "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis."
The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion."
The doctor replies, "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead, if you want but surgery is your only choice."
The next day, the man seeks out a traditional Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Very rare disease."
The guy says to the doctor, "Yeah, yeah, I already know that but what can we do? My GP wants to operate and amputate my penis!"
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. "Stupid western physicians, always want to operate - make more money that way. There's no need to amputate."
"Oh, thank God!" the man replies.
"Yes," says the Chinese doctor, "wait two weeks. It'll fall off by itself."
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Doctor Death
A man walks into a doctor's office.
"I have the results of your tests and I'm afraid you're going to die", says the doctor.
The man asks, "How long do I have to live?"
"Ten", replies the doctor.
"What the hell does that mean!", the man yells. "Ten years, ten months, ten weeks, what?"
The doctor replies, "Nine."
"I have the results of your tests and I'm afraid you're going to die", says the doctor.
The man asks, "How long do I have to live?"
"Ten", replies the doctor.
"What the hell does that mean!", the man yells. "Ten years, ten months, ten weeks, what?"
The doctor replies, "Nine."
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