The Pope and Kevin Rudd, Prime Minister of Australia, are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd at the AFL Grand Final.
The Pope leaned towards Mr. Rudd and said, "Do you know that with one little movement of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like those believers in a football match, but go deep into their hearts and they will forever speak of this day and rejoice!"
Rudd replied, "I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me?"
So the Pope backhanded the little bastard.
Showing posts with label pope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pope. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Monday, March 08, 2010
The Pope and Tiger Woods
The Pope and Tiger Woods died on the same day but due to an administrative error His Holiness went to Hell and Tiger Woods went to Heaven.
The Pope explains the situation to the administrative clerk in Hell, who, after checking the paperwork admits that there is an error. "However", the clerk explains, "it will be 24 hours before the problem can be rectified".
The next day the Pope is called and Hell's staff bid him farewell. On the way up to Heaven, the Pope meets Tiger Woods on his way down to Hell, and they stop for a chat.
Pope: "Sorry about the mix up."
Tiger: "No problem."
Pope: "I am really anxious to get to Heaven."
Tiger: "Why is that?"
Pope: "All my life I have wanted to meet the Virgin Mary."
Tiger: "You're a day late."
The Pope explains the situation to the administrative clerk in Hell, who, after checking the paperwork admits that there is an error. "However", the clerk explains, "it will be 24 hours before the problem can be rectified".
The next day the Pope is called and Hell's staff bid him farewell. On the way up to Heaven, the Pope meets Tiger Woods on his way down to Hell, and they stop for a chat.
Pope: "Sorry about the mix up."
Tiger: "No problem."
Pope: "I am really anxious to get to Heaven."
Tiger: "Why is that?"
Pope: "All my life I have wanted to meet the Virgin Mary."
Tiger: "You're a day late."
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Alex, Tom Cruise, Dubya and The Pope
Alex was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK Alex, how about Tom Cruise?"
"No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So Alex and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door and Tom Cruise shouts, "Alex! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!"
Although impressed, Alex's boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Alex that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Alex says.
"President Bush," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yup," Alex says, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington."
And off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Alex on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Alex, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Alex, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The Pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Alex. "I've known the Pope for years."
So off they fly to Rome. Alex and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Alex says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Alex emerges with the Pope on the balcony but by the time Alex returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Making his way to his boss's side, Alex asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw... You and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who the fuck is that on the balcony with Alex?"
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK Alex, how about Tom Cruise?"
"No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So Alex and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door and Tom Cruise shouts, "Alex! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!"
Although impressed, Alex's boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Alex that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Alex says.
"President Bush," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yup," Alex says, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington."
And off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Alex on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Alex, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Alex, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The Pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Alex. "I've known the Pope for years."
So off they fly to Rome. Alex and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Alex says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Alex emerges with the Pope on the balcony but by the time Alex returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Making his way to his boss's side, Alex asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw... You and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who the fuck is that on the balcony with Alex?"
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Shaking Hands with the Pope
The Pope is taking a shower. Although he is very strict about celibacy rules, he occasionally feels the need to exercise his right wrist, and this is such an occasion. Just as he reaches Papal climax he sees a photographer taking a picture of the Holy Seed flying through the air.
"Hold on a minute," shouts the Pope, "you can't do that! You'll destroy the reputation of the Catholic Church."
"This picture is my lottery win," says the photographer. "I'll be financially secure for life."
So the Pope offers to buy the photographer's camera, and, after much negotiation, they agree on a figure of two million dollars.
The Pope then dries himself off, and heads off with his new camera. He meets his housekeeper, who spots the camera.
"That looks like a really good camera," she says, "how much did it cost you?"
"Two million dollars," replies the Pope.
"TWO MILLION DOLLARS!" says the housekeeper, "They must have seen you coming!"
"Hold on a minute," shouts the Pope, "you can't do that! You'll destroy the reputation of the Catholic Church."
"This picture is my lottery win," says the photographer. "I'll be financially secure for life."
So the Pope offers to buy the photographer's camera, and, after much negotiation, they agree on a figure of two million dollars.
The Pope then dries himself off, and heads off with his new camera. He meets his housekeeper, who spots the camera.
"That looks like a really good camera," she says, "how much did it cost you?"
"Two million dollars," replies the Pope.
"TWO MILLION DOLLARS!" says the housekeeper, "They must have seen you coming!"
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