Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
Aussie Friendship Pledge
1. When you are sad -- I will help you get pissed and plot revenge against the bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -- I will know you are thinking of something that I would probably want to be involved in.
4. When you are scared -- I will stir you about it every chance I get until you're not.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you stories about how much worse it could be until you stop whining.
6. When you are confused -- I will try to use only simple words.
7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I will laugh at your clumsy arse, but I'll help you up.
This is my oath... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask - because you are my friend.
Friendship is like pissing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth.
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -- I will know you are thinking of something that I would probably want to be involved in.
4. When you are scared -- I will stir you about it every chance I get until you're not.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you stories about how much worse it could be until you stop whining.
6. When you are confused -- I will try to use only simple words.
7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I will laugh at your clumsy arse, but I'll help you up.
This is my oath... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask - because you are my friend.
Friendship is like pissing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Luck of the Irish
Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met Father Flaherty.
The padre said, "Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan, and didn't I marry ye and your husband not two years ago?"
She replied, "Aye, that ye did, Father."
The Father asked, "And have ye been blessed with any wee ones yet?"
She replied, "No, not yet, Father."
The Father said, "Well, now, I'm goin' to Rome next week, I'll light a candle for ye and your husband."
She replied, "Oh, thank ye Father."
They then parted ways.
Some years later, they met again.
The Father asked, "Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?"
She replied, "Oh, very well, Father!"
The Father asked, "And tell me, have ye been blessed with any wee ones yet?"
She replied, "Oh yes, Father! T'ree sets o' twins and four singles - 10 in all!"
The Father said, "That's wonderful! How is your husband doing?"
She replied, "E's gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin' candle."
The padre said, "Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan, and didn't I marry ye and your husband not two years ago?"
She replied, "Aye, that ye did, Father."
The Father asked, "And have ye been blessed with any wee ones yet?"
She replied, "No, not yet, Father."
The Father said, "Well, now, I'm goin' to Rome next week, I'll light a candle for ye and your husband."
She replied, "Oh, thank ye Father."
They then parted ways.
Some years later, they met again.
The Father asked, "Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?"
She replied, "Oh, very well, Father!"
The Father asked, "And tell me, have ye been blessed with any wee ones yet?"
She replied, "Oh yes, Father! T'ree sets o' twins and four singles - 10 in all!"
The Father said, "That's wonderful! How is your husband doing?"
She replied, "E's gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin' candle."
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Tunnel Slapper
Sitting together on a train travelling through the Swiss Alps, were a Kiwi guy, an Australian bloke, a little old Greek lady, and a young blonde Swiss girl with large breasts.
The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap.
When the train emerges from the tunnel, the Kiwi has a bright red hand-print on his cheek.
No one speaks.
The old lady thinks:
The Kiwi guy must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she slapped his cheek.
The blonde Swiss girl thinks:
That Kiwi guy must have tried to grope me in the dark but missed, fondled the old lady and she slapped his cheek.
The Kiwi thinks:
The Australian bloke must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.
The Australian thinks:
I can't wait for another tunnel, just so I can smack the Kiwi again.
The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap.
When the train emerges from the tunnel, the Kiwi has a bright red hand-print on his cheek.
No one speaks.
The old lady thinks:
The Kiwi guy must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she slapped his cheek.
The blonde Swiss girl thinks:
That Kiwi guy must have tried to grope me in the dark but missed, fondled the old lady and she slapped his cheek.
The Kiwi thinks:
The Australian bloke must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.
The Australian thinks:
I can't wait for another tunnel, just so I can smack the Kiwi again.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
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