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Monday, January 21, 2008
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Friday, January 18, 2008
Sexplosion
Sex Toy Triggers Bomb Scare in Sweden
Jan 17, 2008
STOCKHOLM, Sweden (AP) — A Swedish bomb squad called out to disarm a suspicious package on Wednesday did not find a ticking bomb. But they did find a vibrating sex toy.
A janitor alerted police after he found the package in a garage of an apartment building in Goteborg, the country's second-largest city, police spokesman Jan Strannegard said.
The package was humming and vibrating suspiciously, so police took no chances and sent out a team of explosives experts. After having cordoned off the area, they opened the package with bomb disposal equipment, only to find the battery-operated device inside.
"The package was vibrating when the janitor found it, but I think it had sort of died out by the time it was disarmed," Strannegard said.
Source: The Associated Press
Jan 17, 2008
STOCKHOLM, Sweden (AP) — A Swedish bomb squad called out to disarm a suspicious package on Wednesday did not find a ticking bomb. But they did find a vibrating sex toy.
A janitor alerted police after he found the package in a garage of an apartment building in Goteborg, the country's second-largest city, police spokesman Jan Strannegard said.
The package was humming and vibrating suspiciously, so police took no chances and sent out a team of explosives experts. After having cordoned off the area, they opened the package with bomb disposal equipment, only to find the battery-operated device inside.
"The package was vibrating when the janitor found it, but I think it had sort of died out by the time it was disarmed," Strannegard said.
Source: The Associated Press
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Monday, January 14, 2008
Greater Britons
More stunning answers from British quiz contestants...
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC 2)
Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi's first name?
Contestant: Goosey?
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for "cherrypickers" and "cheesemongers"?
Contestant: Homosexuals.
Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.
BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.
Theakston: There's a clue in the title.
Contestant: Leicester.
RTE RADIO 2FM (IRELAND)
Presenter: What is the name of the long- running TV comedy show about pensioners: Last Of The...
Caller: Mohicans.
PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO MANCHESTER)
Phil: What's 11 squared?
Contestant: I don't know.
Phil: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.
Contestant: Is it five?
SIMPLY THE BEST (ITV)
Phil Tufnell: How many Olympic Games have been held?
Contestant: Six.
Tufnell: Higher!
Contestant: Five.
FORT BOYARD (CHALLENGE TV)
Jodie Marsh: Arrange these two groups of letters to form a word: CHED and PIT.
Team: Chedpit.
RADIO 1 EARLY MORNING SHOW
Presenter: How many toes would three people have in total?
Contestant: 23.
THE MICK GIRDLER SHOW (BBC RADIO SOLENT)
Girdler: I'm looking for an island in the Atlantic whose name includes the letter "e".
Contestant: Ghana.
Girdler: No, listen. It's an island in the Atlantic Ocean.
Contestant: New Zealand.
ROCK FM (PRESTON)
Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo Da Vinci.
Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)
Steve Le Fevre: What was signed to bring World War I to an end in 1918?
Contestant: Magna Carta.
RICHARD ALLINSON SHOW (RADIO 2)
Allinson: What international brand shares its name with the Greek goddess of victory?
Contestant (after long deliberation) : Erm, Kellogg's?
BLIND DATE (ITV)
Girl: Name a book written by Jane Austen.
Boy: Charlotte Bronte.
NATIONAL LOTTERY
Eamonn Holmes: Dizzy Gillespie is famous for playing what?
Contestant: Basketball.
DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)
Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland?
Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
Denham: It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?
Contestant: No.
PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)
Wood: What "K" could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er...
Wood: It's got two syllables: Kor...
Contestant: Blimey?
Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run.
Contestant: (Silence)
Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I...
Contestant: Walked?
THE VAULT
Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?
Contestant: Nostalgia.
BREAKFAST SHOW (RADIO 1)
Chris Moyles: Which "S" is a kind of whale that can grow up to 80 tonnes?
Contestant: Ummm...
Moyles: It begins with "S" and rhymes with "perm".
Contestant: Shark.
More Great Britons...
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC 2)
Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi's first name?
Contestant: Goosey?
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for "cherrypickers" and "cheesemongers"?
Contestant: Homosexuals.
Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.
BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.
Theakston: There's a clue in the title.
Contestant: Leicester.
RTE RADIO 2FM (IRELAND)
Presenter: What is the name of the long- running TV comedy show about pensioners: Last Of The...
Caller: Mohicans.
PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO MANCHESTER)
Phil: What's 11 squared?
Contestant: I don't know.
Phil: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.
Contestant: Is it five?
SIMPLY THE BEST (ITV)
Phil Tufnell: How many Olympic Games have been held?
Contestant: Six.
Tufnell: Higher!
Contestant: Five.
FORT BOYARD (CHALLENGE TV)
Jodie Marsh: Arrange these two groups of letters to form a word: CHED and PIT.
Team: Chedpit.
RADIO 1 EARLY MORNING SHOW
Presenter: How many toes would three people have in total?
Contestant: 23.
THE MICK GIRDLER SHOW (BBC RADIO SOLENT)
Girdler: I'm looking for an island in the Atlantic whose name includes the letter "e".
Contestant: Ghana.
Girdler: No, listen. It's an island in the Atlantic Ocean.
Contestant: New Zealand.
ROCK FM (PRESTON)
Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo Da Vinci.
Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)
Steve Le Fevre: What was signed to bring World War I to an end in 1918?
Contestant: Magna Carta.
RICHARD ALLINSON SHOW (RADIO 2)
Allinson: What international brand shares its name with the Greek goddess of victory?
Contestant (after long deliberation) : Erm, Kellogg's?
BLIND DATE (ITV)
Girl: Name a book written by Jane Austen.
Boy: Charlotte Bronte.
NATIONAL LOTTERY
Eamonn Holmes: Dizzy Gillespie is famous for playing what?
Contestant: Basketball.
DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)
Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland?
Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
Denham: It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?
Contestant: No.
PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)
Wood: What "K" could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er...
Wood: It's got two syllables: Kor...
Contestant: Blimey?
Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run.
Contestant: (Silence)
Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I...
Contestant: Walked?
THE VAULT
Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?
Contestant: Nostalgia.
BREAKFAST SHOW (RADIO 1)
Chris Moyles: Which "S" is a kind of whale that can grow up to 80 tonnes?
Contestant: Ummm...
Moyles: It begins with "S" and rhymes with "perm".
Contestant: Shark.
More Great Britons...
Friday, January 11, 2008
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Monday, January 07, 2008
Kevin the Chook
Trevor the farmer was in the fertilised egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called "pullets" and eight or ten roosters, to fertilise the pullets' eggs.
Trevor kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so Trevor could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.
The farmer's favourite rooster was Kevin, and a very fine specimen he was too, but on this particular morning Trevor noticed Kevin's bell hadn't rung at all!
Trevor went to investigate.
The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover but to farmer Trevor's amazement, Kevin had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.
He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
Trevor was so proud of Kevin, he entered him into the Brisbane Exhibition and Kevin became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The Result?
The judges not only awarded Kevin the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pullet Surprise as well.
Clearly Kevin was a politician in the making: who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
Do you know a Pullitician called Kevin?
Trevor kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so Trevor could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.
The farmer's favourite rooster was Kevin, and a very fine specimen he was too, but on this particular morning Trevor noticed Kevin's bell hadn't rung at all!
Trevor went to investigate.
The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover but to farmer Trevor's amazement, Kevin had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.
He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
Trevor was so proud of Kevin, he entered him into the Brisbane Exhibition and Kevin became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The Result?
The judges not only awarded Kevin the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pullet Surprise as well.
Clearly Kevin was a politician in the making: who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
Do you know a Pullitician called Kevin?
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