Saturday, May 27, 2006

The Obedient Wife

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died.

He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.

When they finished the ceremony and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!"

She had a box with her. She came over with the box and put it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.

So, her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband?"

The loyal wife replied," Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?" exclaimed the friend.

"Sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it."

16 reasons Why Airplanes are Easier to Live With Than Women

  1. Airplanes usually kill you quickly - a woman takes her time.
  2. Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch.
  3. Airplanes don't get mad if you do a "touch and go."
  4. Airplanes don't object to a preflight inspection.
  5. Airplanes come with manuals to explain their operation.
  6. Airplanes have strict weight and balance limitations.
  7. Airplanes can be flown any time of the month.
  8. Airplanes don't come with in-laws.
  9. Airplanes don't care about how many other airplanes you've flown before.
  10. Airplanes and pilots both arrive at the same time.
  11. Airplanes don't mind if you look at other airplanes.
  12. Airplanes don't mind if you buy airplane magazines.
  13. Airplanes expect to be tied down.
  14. Airplanes don't comment on your piloting skills.
  15. Airplanes don't whine unless something is really wrong.
  16. However, when airplanes go quiet, just like women, it's usually not good.

Husband Shopping

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband...

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1: These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2: These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3: These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4: These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework. "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5: These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6: You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

Peter and the Donkey

A young man named Peter bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00.  The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.

When the farmer drove up the next day, he said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news... the donkey is on my truck, but he's dead."

Peter replied, "Well then, just give me my money back."

The farmer said, "I can't do that. I went and spent it already."

Peter said, "OK then, just unload the donkey anyway".

The farmer asked, "What are ya gonna do with him?"

Peter said, "I'm going to raffle him off."

To which the farmer exclaimed, "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

But Peter with a big smile on his face, said "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody that he's dead."

A month later the farmer met up with Peter and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"

Peter said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two pounds a piece and made a huge profit"

Totally amazed, the farmer asked, "Didn't anyone complain that you had stolen their money because you lied about the donkey being dead?"

And Peter replied, "The only guy who found out about the donkey being dead was the raffle winner, when he came to claim his prize.

So I gave him his $2 back plus $200 extra, which is double the going value of a donkey, so he thought I was a great guy."

Peter grew up and eventually became the Treasurer, and no matter how many times he lied or how much money he stole from Australian voters, as long as he gave them back some of the stolen money, most of them thought he was a great guy.

Easter Bunny Hates You

Happy Easter

De Ja Vu

Interesting Year 1981
  1. Prince Charles got married
  2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
  3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament.
  4. Pope Died
Interesting Year 2005
  1. Prince Charles got married
  2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
  3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament
  4. Pope Died
Lesson Learned?
- the next time Charles gets married, someone warn the Pope.