Idiotproof Ladder

From Hamster to Heaven

Why Women are Happier than Men

1. the kitchen's all ours
2. we get control of the wedding plans and we get to look the best at our wedding
3. chocolate makes up for the orgasms that men rarely give us
4. reading men is like reading an open book, whereas men can never understand women
5. we can get into a popular bar much easier than men; we just show some cleavage
6. we don't fart, we fluff
7. we know how to colour coordinate
8. we can build a man's ego just by asking him to open a jar
9. we get doors opened for us
10. we're not as hairy and we don't have to shave our faces
11. we aren't too proud to ask for directions
12. scratching our groins is not an hourly event in our lives
13. we can do two things at once
14. we aren't forced to compensate for our fathers' lack of childhood sports skills every Saturday morning throughout our formative years
15. we can sit and read every time we go to the bathroom
16. we can spend time alone with Catholic priests, Boy Scout leaders, and Baptist Youth ministers without feeling sexually threatened
17. we don't worry about going bald
18. we never have to rearrange our testicles while wearing tight pants
19. we never get our genitals caught in our zippers when drunk
20. we don't have to constantly answer "What are you going to be when you grow up?" shortly after our third birthdays
21. we can bludgeon someone to death and then get off scot-free by claiming a "hormonal imbalance"
22. we can commit cold-blooded murder and not only get off scot-free, but end up with a book deal and an appearance on Oprah merely by mentioning "years of violent spousal abuse"
23. we don't have to go in a pubic women's toilet and worry about some previous occupant having pissed and shat on the seat, the floor, and the surrounding walls.
24. we ALWAYS outlive our husbands.
    
25. we have a wide variety of commercial, sweet smelling deodorants for our sex organs.
26. we know exactly what to do when a child is sick.
27. we don't have a freaky, semi-Oedipal relationship with our overbearing mothers
28. we don't ever have to spit
29. we don't ever have to hold one nostril shut while blasting snot out of the other
30. we have an astute, innate sense of when to change underwear before it becomes a petri dish for bacteria development
31. we never pull a back muscle screaming at the television during a sports event
32. we don't have to worry about which family member will inherit and care for our collections of sports fan apparel
33. we never lose six hours on a Saturday morning watching fishing shows on TV
    
34. we can terminate a bladder emptying event without waiting for "the shake"
35. we can tell our doctors anything
36. we can simulate a perfect, entire sex act with nothing more than ten idle minutes and a cucumber.
37. best one of all: MULTIPLE ORGASMS

See also Why Men are Happier than Women.

Why Men are Happier than Women

1. Your surname doesn't change.
2. The garage is all yours.
3. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
4. Chocolate is just another snack.
5. You can never be pregnant.
6. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
7. The world is your urinal.
8. You never have to drive to another petrol station toilet because this one is just too "yucky".
9. You don't have to stop and think about which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
10. Same work, more pay.
11. Wrinkles add character.
12. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
13. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
14. One mood all the time.
15. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
16. You know stuff about tanks and engines.
17. A ten-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
18. You can open all your own jars.
19. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
20. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
21. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
22. You never have strap problems in public.
23. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
24. Everything on your face stays its original colour.
25. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
26. You only have to shave your face and neck.
27. You can play with toys all your life.
28. One wallet and one pair of shoes - one colour for all seasons.
29. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
30. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
31. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
32. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

See also Why Women are Happier than Men.

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Courtship advice from a senior citizen:

When you see a woman, and want her badly, please consider the following:

No matter how beautiful her face is...

No matter how curvaceous her body is...

No matter how cute and sweet her smile is...

No matter how round and tight her posterior is...

No matter how seductive her eyes are...

No matter how fragrant her hair is...

No matter how ample her breasts are...

I forgot what I was going to say.

Picture Paints a 1000 Words