Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Papal Blessing
The Pope and Kevin Rudd, Prime Minister of Australia, are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd at the AFL Grand Final.
The Pope leaned towards Mr. Rudd and said, "Do you know that with one little movement of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like those believers in a football match, but go deep into their hearts and they will forever speak of this day and rejoice!"
Rudd replied, "I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me?"
So the Pope backhanded the little bastard.
The Pope leaned towards Mr. Rudd and said, "Do you know that with one little movement of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like those believers in a football match, but go deep into their hearts and they will forever speak of this day and rejoice!"
Rudd replied, "I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me?"
So the Pope backhanded the little bastard.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Shiny Gynie
I was due for an appointment with my gynaecologist late in the week.
Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45am.
The trip to her office took about thirty five minutes, so I didn't have much time to spare. As most women do, I like to make a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pyjamas, wet the wash-cloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable.
I threw the wash-cloth in the clothes basket, grabbed some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.
I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away.
I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?" I didn't respond.
After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home.
The rest of the day was normal: some shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc. After school when my six year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, "Mum, where's my wash-cloth?" I told her to get another one from the cupboard.
She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it."
Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45am.
The trip to her office took about thirty five minutes, so I didn't have much time to spare. As most women do, I like to make a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pyjamas, wet the wash-cloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable.
I threw the wash-cloth in the clothes basket, grabbed some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.
I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away.
I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?" I didn't respond.
After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home.
The rest of the day was normal: some shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc. After school when my six year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, "Mum, where's my wash-cloth?" I told her to get another one from the cupboard.
She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it."
Monday, June 21, 2010
Filtering the Minister for Miscommunication
This is the Minister for Communication...
This is the remedy...
This is the remedy...
Friday, June 18, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
The Third Wish
A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray.
"And what will your third wish be?"
The man looked at the genie and said, "Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven't had a first or second wish yet?"
"You have had two wishes already," the genie said, "but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You now have one wish left."
"Okay," said the man, "I don't believe this, but what the heck. I've always wanted to understand women. I'd love to know what's going on inside their heads."
"Sheesh! I wish you'd make up your mind," said the genie as it granted his wish and disappeared forever, "That was your first wish, too!"
"And what will your third wish be?"
The man looked at the genie and said, "Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven't had a first or second wish yet?"
"You have had two wishes already," the genie said, "but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You now have one wish left."
"Okay," said the man, "I don't believe this, but what the heck. I've always wanted to understand women. I'd love to know what's going on inside their heads."
"Sheesh! I wish you'd make up your mind," said the genie as it granted his wish and disappeared forever, "That was your first wish, too!"
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