Q: A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in year 9. Who has the biggest breasts?
A: The blonde, because she's 18.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Friday, February 23, 2007
Academically Challenged
Click to enlarge...
Click to enlarge...
Click to enlarge...
Click to enlarge...
Click to enlarge...
Click to enlarge...
Click to enlarge...
Click to enlarge...
Click to enlarge...
Leaving a note for the boss
Click to enlarge...
Click to enlarge...
Click to enlarge...
Click to enlarge...
Click to enlarge...
Click to enlarge...
Click to enlarge...
Click to enlarge...
Click to enlarge...
Click to enlarge...
From the mouths of babes
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
Alan, age 10.
No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
Kristen, age 10.
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
Camille, age 10.
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
Derrick, age 8.
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
Lori, age 8.
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
Lynnette, age 8.
On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
Martin, age 10.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
Craig, age 9.
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
Pam, age 7.
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
Curt, age 7.
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
Howard, age 8.
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
Anita, age 9.
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
Kelvin, age 8.
And the #1 Favourite is........
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
Ricky, age 10.
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
Alan, age 10.
No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
Kristen, age 10.
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
Camille, age 10.
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
Derrick, age 8.
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
Lori, age 8.
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
Lynnette, age 8.
On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
Martin, age 10.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
Craig, age 9.
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
Pam, age 7.
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
Curt, age 7.
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
Howard, age 8.
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
Anita, age 9.
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
Kelvin, age 8.
And the #1 Favourite is........
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
Ricky, age 10.
Senior Moment
A self-important college freshman attending a recent football game, took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.
"You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one," the student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear.
"The young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars. We have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing and...", pausing to take another drink of beer.
The Senior took advantage of the break in the student's litany and said, "You're right, son. We didn't have those things when we were young... so we invented them. Now, you arrogant little shit, what are you doing for the next generation?"
The applause was resounding...
"You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one," the student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear.
"The young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars. We have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing and...", pausing to take another drink of beer.
The Senior took advantage of the break in the student's litany and said, "You're right, son. We didn't have those things when we were young... so we invented them. Now, you arrogant little shit, what are you doing for the next generation?"
The applause was resounding...
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Bunnings Warning
Here's a warning I want to pass on about Bunnings:
I'm not usually one for posting warnings about potential scams but I had a close miss yesterday on the way home from work.
I walked into Bunnings and some old guy dressed in a red polo-shirt and an apron asked me if I wanted decking.
Fortunately, I got the first punch in and that was the end of that.
Those less suspecting might not be so lucky.
Take care and keep your wits about you especially at Bunnings.
I'm not usually one for posting warnings about potential scams but I had a close miss yesterday on the way home from work.
I walked into Bunnings and some old guy dressed in a red polo-shirt and an apron asked me if I wanted decking.
Fortunately, I got the first punch in and that was the end of that.
Those less suspecting might not be so lucky.
Take care and keep your wits about you especially at Bunnings.
Monday, February 12, 2007
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Saturday, February 03, 2007
News from the family court
SYDNEY(AAP) - A seven year-old boy was at the centre of a Parramatta, NSW courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over whom should have custody of him.
The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the greatest degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the English Cricket Team, whom the boy firmly believes are incapable of beating anyone.
The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the greatest degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the English Cricket Team, whom the boy firmly believes are incapable of beating anyone.
Thursday, February 01, 2007
French Intellectuals to be deployed in Middle East
French Intellectuals to be deployed in Middle East to Convince Fundamentalists of the Non-Existence of God - Doubt, Despair and Existential Anomie: Our Only Hope.
The United Nations revealed plans to airdrop a platoon of crack French existentialist philosophers into strategic trouble zones to destroy the morale of zealots by proving the non-existence of God.
Elements from the feared Jean-Paul Sartre Brigade of 'Black Berets' will be parachuted into Afghanistan, Lebanon, Iraq and other combat zones to spread doubt, despondency and existential anomie among the enemy. Hardened by numerous intellectual battles fought during their long occupation of Paris' Left Bank, their first action will be to establish a number of sidewalk cafes at strategic points near the front lines.
There they will drink coffee and talk animatedly about the absurd nature of life and man's lonely isolation in the universe. They will be accompanied by a number of heartbreakingly beautiful girlfriends who will further spread dismay by sticking their tongues in the philosopher's ears every five minutes and looking remote and unattainable to everyone else.
Their leader, Colonel Marc-Ange Belmondo, spoke yesterday of his confidence in the success of their mission. Sorbonne graduate Belmondo, an intense and unshaven young man in a black pullover, said, "The Zealots are caught in a logical fallacy of the most ridiculous kind. There is no God and I can prove it. Take your tongue out of my ear, Juliet, I am talking."
Marc-Ange plans to deliver a thesis on the futility of existence with special reference to the work of Foucault and the films of Alfred Hitchcock.
However, humanitarian agencies have condemned the operation as inhumane, pointing out that the effects of passive smoking from the Frenchmen's Gitanes could wreak a terrible toll on civilians in the area.
The United Nations revealed plans to airdrop a platoon of crack French existentialist philosophers into strategic trouble zones to destroy the morale of zealots by proving the non-existence of God.
Elements from the feared Jean-Paul Sartre Brigade of 'Black Berets' will be parachuted into Afghanistan, Lebanon, Iraq and other combat zones to spread doubt, despondency and existential anomie among the enemy. Hardened by numerous intellectual battles fought during their long occupation of Paris' Left Bank, their first action will be to establish a number of sidewalk cafes at strategic points near the front lines.
There they will drink coffee and talk animatedly about the absurd nature of life and man's lonely isolation in the universe. They will be accompanied by a number of heartbreakingly beautiful girlfriends who will further spread dismay by sticking their tongues in the philosopher's ears every five minutes and looking remote and unattainable to everyone else.
Their leader, Colonel Marc-Ange Belmondo, spoke yesterday of his confidence in the success of their mission. Sorbonne graduate Belmondo, an intense and unshaven young man in a black pullover, said, "The Zealots are caught in a logical fallacy of the most ridiculous kind. There is no God and I can prove it. Take your tongue out of my ear, Juliet, I am talking."
Marc-Ange plans to deliver a thesis on the futility of existence with special reference to the work of Foucault and the films of Alfred Hitchcock.
However, humanitarian agencies have condemned the operation as inhumane, pointing out that the effects of passive smoking from the Frenchmen's Gitanes could wreak a terrible toll on civilians in the area.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)