- the kitchen's all ours
- we get control of the wedding plans and we get to look the best at our wedding
- chocolate makes up for the orgasms that men rarely give us
- reading men is like reading an open book, whereas men can never understand women
- we can get into a popular bar much easier than men; we just show some cleavage
- we don't fart, we fluff
- we know how to colour coordinate
- we can build a man's ego just by asking him to open a jar
- we get doors opened for us
- we're not as hairy and we don't have to shave our faces
- we aren't too proud to ask for directions
- scratching our groins is not an hourly event in our lives
- we can do two things at once
- we aren't forced to compensate for our fathers' lack of childhood sports skills every Saturday morning throughout our formative years
- we can sit and read every time we go to the bathroom
- we can spend time alone with Catholic priests, Boy Scout leaders, and Baptist Youth ministers without feeling sexually threatened
- we don't worry about going bald
- we never have to rearrange our testicles while wearing tight pants
- we never get our genitals caught in our zippers when drunk
- we don't have to constantly answer "What are you going to be when you grow up?" shortly after our third birthdays
- we can bludgeon someone to death and then get off scot-free by claiming a "hormonal imbalance"
- we can commit cold-blooded murder and not only get off scot-free, but end up with a book deal and an appearance on Oprah merely by mentioning "years of violent spousal abuse"
- we don't have to go in a pubic women's toilet and worry about some previous occupant having pissed and shat on the seat, the floor, and the surrounding walls.
- we ALWAYS outlive our husbands.
- we have a wide variety of commercial, sweet smelling deodorants for our sex organs.
- we know exactly what to do when a child is sick.
- we don't have a freaky, semi-Oedipal relationship with our overbearing mothers
- we don't ever have to spit
- we don't ever have to hold one nostril shut while blasting snot out of the other
- we have an astute, innate sense of when to change underwear before it becomes a petri dish for bacteria development
- we never pull a back muscle screaming at the television during a sports event
- we don't have to worry about which family member will inherit and care for our collections of sports fan apparel
- we never lose six hours on a Saturday morning watching fishing shows on TV
- we can terminate a bladder emptying event without waiting for "the shake"
- we can tell our doctors anything
- we can simulate a perfect, entire sex act with nothing more than ten idle minutes and a cucumber.
- best one of all: MULTIPLE ORGASMS
A collection of what passes for humour amongst the jokes, puns and witticisms that find their way into my inbox.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Why Women are Happier than Men
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