We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Dear Twilight fans,
Please realise that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasising about that.
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Dear J.K. Rowling,
Your books are entirely unrealistic. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends?
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying...
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!
Dear Windshield Wipers,
Can't touch this.
That Little Triangle
There was definitely room on that door for the both of us.
PS you let go
Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Dear Fox News,
So far, no news about foxes.
Dear Michael Jackson,
You really should have became a Catholic Priest. The pay isn't great, but the
Dear Skin-Coloured Band Aids,
Please make one for every skin colour.
I feel your pain... No one wants to run with me either.
Just admit that you slept with someone else. This is getting out of hand.
Dear World of Warcraft,
Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.
What was your power again?
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Nail Salon Ladies
Dear Global Warming,
You're the best imaginary friend ever!
Dear Ugly People,
Dear Mr. Gump
WTF are you talking about? There's a little diagram on the lid that tells you EXACTLY what you're gonna get...
Is it too early to ask what's shakin'?
Seriously Going To Hell
Dear Martin Luther King Jr.
I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream... What now?
Leonardo Di Caprio
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?
Dear White People,
Don't you just hate immigrants?
Please stop spell-checking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shit.
Every iPhone User
Dear Giant Spider on the Wall,
Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. CRAP! Where did you go?
At least you get picked up...
The Girls of Jersey Shore
It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Dear Dr. Phil,
Look man, there's only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here first.