Melbourne Zoo acquired a female of a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the gorilla became very cantankerous and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem; the gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, the zoo had no male gorillas.
Reflecting on their problem, the zoo management noticed Graham, a big Kiwi lad, and former All Black, responsible for maintaining the zoo's machinery.
Graham, like most Kiwis, seemed endowed with ample ability to satisfy any female. So, the zoo administrators thought they might have a solution. Graham was approached with a proposition: would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500?
Graham showed some interest but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, Graham announced that he would accept the offer but only under three conditions:
"Fust," he said, "I don't want to have to kuss 'er."
"Sicondly, you must niver, niver tull anyone about thus."
The zoo administrators quickly agreed to these conditions, and then asked Graham for his third condition.
"Wull," said Graham, "You gotta give me another week to come up with the $500."