Devalued Definitions

CEO
Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO
Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET
A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET
A 6 to 18 month period when children receive no pocket money, wives get no jewellery, and husbands get no sex.

VALUE INVESTING
The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO
The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER
What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR
Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST
The idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT
When your ex and his/her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER
A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION
The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW
The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO
What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS
What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR
Past year investor who's now locked up in an insane asylum.

PROFIT
An archaic word no longer in use.