Saturday, September 12, 2009


The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

She was only a whiskey maker,
but he loved her still.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class
because it was a weapon of math disruption.

The butcher backed into the meat grinder
and got a little behind in his work.

No matter how much you push the envelope,
it'll still be stationery.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road
and was cited for littering.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France
would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

Two silk worms had a race.
They ended up in a tie.

Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.
The police are looking into it.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
One hat said to the other, "You stay here, I'll go on a head."

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me.

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said:
"Keep off the Grass."

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said,
"No change yet."

A chicken crossing the road
is poultry in motion.

The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison
was a small medium at large.

The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray
is now a seasoned veteran.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In democracy it's your vote that counts.
In feudalism it's your count that votes.

When cannibals ate a missionary,
they got a taste of religion.

Don't join dangerous cults:
Practice safe sects!

Two flies were arguing on a toilet seat.
One got pissed off.

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