New Years Resolutions

• The darkest hours come just before the dawn. So that's the time to steal stuff.
• Don't aspire to become irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
• Always remember that you are unique. Like everyone else.
• Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
• If you think nobody cares whether you're dead or alive, try missing a couple of payments.
• Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
• If at first you don't succeed, avoid skydiving.
• Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
• Have you ever lent someone $20 and never seen that person again? It was probably worth it.
• If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
• Some days we are the bugs; some days we are the windscreens.
• Good judgement comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgement.
• The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
• A closed mouth gathers no feet.
• Generally speaking, you aren't learning much if your lips are moving.
• Never miss a good chance to shut up.
• Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
• The most wasted day of all - is one in which we have not laughed.