JULIA ROBERTS: big in the 1990s but done nothing lately.
PAMELA ANDERSON: best and only asset is up front.
NAOMI CAMPBELL: struts around like a winner but behaves like a loser.
BELINDA NEAL: arrogant bitch who thinks the world revolves around her.
SHARON STONE: once the hottest name in the business, now just a fading force.
CASEY DONOVAN: seemed like a good idea at the time, now no one is buying her shit.
NATALIE BASSINGTHWAITE: a star after years as a bit player.
JESSICA ALBA: hot, hot, hot!
LINDSAY LOHAN: a miracle she is still alive
NORTH MELBOURNE KANGAROOS
KIM (FROM KATH & KIM): deluded and incapable of living without the intensive support of others. Would fit right in on the Gold Coast.
PORT ADELAIDE POWER
BRITNEY SPEARS: once had the world at her fingertips. Now can't even remember to wear her underwear in public and is a failure on the home front.
JANE FONDA: a legend in the 60s and 70s but you wouldn't touch her in 2008.
ST. KILDA SAINTS
RICKI LEE COULTER: promises a lot but never delivers
CATE BLANCHETT: used to be boring but has become interesting again.
WEST COAST EAGLES
AMY WINEHOUSE: enough said.