Coital Calorie Counter

REMOVING HER CLOTHES
With her consent.......................12 Calories
Without her consent.................187 Calories

OPENING HER BRA
With both hands.........................8 Calories
With one hand............................12 Calories
With your teeth..........................85 Calories

PUTTING ON A CONDOM
With an erection..........................6 Calories
Without an erection....................315 Calories

PRELIMINARIES
Trying to find the Clitoris..........8 Calories
Trying to find the G-Spot..........92 Calories

POSITIONS
Missionary..................................12 Calories
69 Lying down............................78 Calories
69 Standing up...........................112 Calories
Wheelbarrow..............................216 Calories
Doggy Style................................326 Calories
Italian Chandelier......................912 Calories

ORGASMS
Real.............................................112 Calories
Fake............................................315 Calories

POST ORGASM
Lying in bed cuddling...............18 Calories
Getting up immediately...........36 Calories
Explaining why you got up immediately....816 Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION
If you are:
20-29 Years old........................36 Calories
30-39 Years old........................80 Calories
40-49 Years old........................124 Calories
50-59 Years old........................972 Calories
60-69 Years old........................2916 Calories
70 and over...............................Results still pending

DRESSING UP AFTERWARDS
Calmly.......................................32 Calories
In a hurry.................................98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door......1218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door........3521 Calories