And then the fight started

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flicking through television channels.
She asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...

________________________________________


My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" while we were in bed. I turned to her and asked, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she replied.
So, I said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started...

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Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the ute and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 80kmh, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.

I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my idiot husband is out fishing in it?"
And then the fight started...

________________________________________


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our approaching anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about three seconds." I bought her some bathroom scales.
And then the fight started...

________________________________________


My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunk woman swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" says my wife, "who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...

________________________________________

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the porterhouse steak, medium rare, please."
He asked, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"No, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...

________________________________________


A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not to happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."
The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
And then the fight started...

________________________________________

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt".

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly grey chest hair. She said, "That
silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me." And she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too."

And then the fight started...