Bear Essentials

Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks.

Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl, which is also empty. "What SOB has been eating my porridge?" he roars.

Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "For God's sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you idiots?"

"It was Mummy Bear who got up first."

"It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house."

"It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee."

"It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher."

"It was Mummy Bear who swept the kitchen floor."

"It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper and croissants."

"It was Mummy Bear who set the damned table."

"It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the out of the cat's litter tray, fed them, and refilled their water bowls."

"And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-arses downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence. "Listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this once..."

"I HAVEN'T MADE THE FUCKING PORRIDGE YET!"